Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Domlessness

"You know why you don't have a Dom, Ten? You have to take them seriously. They need to be taken seriously. You're too flippant."

Someone said this to me after observing my behavior over a series of hours as I volunteered at TESFest this weekend.

I -had- been flouncing about being my usual cheeky self to those who know me that way. That's social Ten, however. That's not relationship Ten. Unless you're a play partner and the dynamic we have is me constantly challenging you--because it's something we mutually enjoy.

I was not thrilled with his judgment, delivery, or the tone in his voice. I don't even recall the statement I made to spurn the comment and at that moment, I could care less.

"Well when I find someone I can fucking take seriously, I'll take them seriously", was my retort before I walked away.

Right now in my day to day relationships in the scene are merely 'PLAY'. Hence my PLAYfulness. Whether my 'bratting' crosses the line into annoyance is a matter of opinion, but I'd like to think it's not for the majority of those I encounter and play with. That's why they continue playing with me.

I don't lose that playfulness in D/s. That does not mean I don't take MY Dom seriously.

However, an encounter on a another social media website got me pondering.

I'd only pointed out to this person who said that a "true submissive" does this and that that being submissive means something different to everyone. This person was relatively new to the scene and used such bonus words as "topping from the bottom" to describe my relatively harmless statement. Said person even went so far as to ask Dominants that I don't even know to "keep me in line".

This experience brought two different thoughts to mind. First, this poor naive girl seems to think that just because I identify as submissive, that I should behave a certain way (sort of the same way the person who called me "flippant" did)and and that any Dom can and will put me in line.

But also, it was relayed to me that her most recent Dom left her, which, seeing as her defensiveness made her lash out at me in several very not cool ways, not limited to making fun of my appearance and suggesting violence happen to me--her behavior might have had something to do with that. Also, in her words, it was 'because he couldn't tame her'.

I personally find the whole idea of "breaking" or "taming" a sub unnecessary and part of unfair expectations. Logically.

However I've been pondering whether my own behavior is the reason I'm still without anything but a "maybe" D/s relationship at the moment. Am I subconsciously "testing" potential Dominants by positing a bit of a challenge for my submission? Am I placing unfair expectations on suitor Dominants? And if so... why? Is it because the last D/s relationship I "took seriously" slipped off into the night and I'm too afraid of that happening again? Am I just not ready for a new Daddy?

Or is it because I really just haven't found someone I can actually take seriously?

In the D/s sense of course.

Life is too short to be serious all of the time.

1 comment:

  1. Not just anyone is right for any particular submissive. We are all people with different needs and expectations. I know for myself, it's a blend of someone who can take my challenging, playful nature, as well as refuse my willingness to give up everything when it's not healthy for me in the long run. Not an easy combo to find.

    You should never be less than you are - it is a disservice to you and your potential Dominant.

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